remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
