maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
