What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
