This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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