you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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