Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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