in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I smell like Dick and happiness
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
