just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
