Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
