Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
