So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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