you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
