at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
