ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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