haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
