if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
