What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
