and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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