Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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