next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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