White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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