I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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