I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
