I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
