Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
