3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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