thus making me awesome and them whores
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
