if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
