Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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