TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You're like the curious george of whores
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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