I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
