did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
