wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
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