Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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