I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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