I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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