We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
