Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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