i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you win again, gameday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
