so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
