wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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