I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
