Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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