When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
