so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
