Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
