So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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