nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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