You're my little dorito
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
