The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
